She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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