so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
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If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
you never un-have a 4some
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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