Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
