he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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