My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
what is it with giant penises always finding me
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
