Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
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