my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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