I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
