Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
