Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Found your dick twin last night
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
