i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
All the doctor said was why
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
