Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
