bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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