life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
