And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
