My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
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