So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he tried to convert me to islam
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize