I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
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