From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
