I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
