sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
