I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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