just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
