Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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