So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
