Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
I skipped work to stalk him.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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