I faked an abortion last night.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
