just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
His hands were made for my vagina.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
