Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
