I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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