he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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