I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
