Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
