We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
