I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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