just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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