I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Randomize
