New invention idea: vibrating tampons
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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