He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
