A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
