heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize