There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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