its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
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