Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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