you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
