Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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