Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
