playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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