My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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