yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
