farters have to be the big spoon...
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
