At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
