I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
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when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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