Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Randomize
