She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize