I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
