Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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