Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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