about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
