I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
