went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
