just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
