Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
