who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
