Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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