Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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